jabbathegutt

I usually find myself stumbling into Burger Head scratching at my neck and arms, desperate for that sweet, succulent, smashed pattie high that my body is experiencing withdrawals from. Never shy of a speccy though, I controlled my meat sweats and decided to order the smashed mortgage instead. By Grabthar's hammer, that chicken was delectable! Burn the witch doctor that cast such dark sorcery in the crumbing, that stuff was off chops. Avo on a chicken burg is as essential as eccies at Defqon, and this was a particularly tasty little alligator pear. Garlic aoli is the best thing since the invention of the Shoey, and she isn't shy to flaunt her flavours here. Top it off with some of your daily 2 and 5 and you can add a #healthyeating to your insta post if you genuinely think people give a crap about what you shove down your gob 3 times a day. (Spoiler alert: they don't)

If I've learnt anything from years of watching British comedy (and that brief Emo stage in high school) it's that life can be a cruel bitch mother sometimes. More often than not, we stumble through our day-to-day existence, with no chance at true joy or happiness. But once in a while we experience a glimmer of light, a spark that promises even the most flickering of flames. The layman may call it hope. I call it International Cheeseburger Day. It only comes around once a year (phrasing...), so I was going to make the most of it. I braved the Western Line and its plethora of lads to sample the new speccy at BL Parramatta. My bff (burger friend forever) had to work all day at Westmead Hospital, so I grabbed a second and went to save the day. YTB- Yeah the Burgs. In retrospect, eating a burger with a deep fried cheeseburger pattie within close vicinity of a crack coronary unit was one of my brightest ideas. Arteries plugged and cravings satiated, I head home with a little extra spring in my step. The world looks a little brighter today. Wherever you are, celebrate this day well my friends. Wrap your meat hooks around a sweaty meat biscuit and hook in happily. 🔥🍔 Only 365 days until the next one 🍔🔥

After a busy day buying cheap Scandinavian flat packs and wondering how in the hell I'll muster the patience and intestinal fortitude to put the buggers together, my tastebuds were begging for a burg. Lucky for me, Burger Point is right across the road from the Homewrecking Superstore in Marsden Park, so off I went. Opted for the speccy, which unfortunately lacked the Macho to its Nacho. The guac missed the train to flavour town, and the meat pattie was about as interesting as an accountant's tinder profile. The Dorito crumbed mozzarella pattie lifted its game a little bit, but ultimately, the final result was a few piñatas short of a flavour fiesta.

Divine burgervention was definitely at work as I found myself able to convince the wife to accompany me to Ze Pickle last night. Once we arrived, I didn't even bother with the menu/license plate as only an off-menu masterpiece would satiate my burg-thirst. Enter Kanye's Mum- a tasty little number combining two of their favourites: the 3am and Ya Mum. Tasty? You bet your butt cheeks, but at a hearty 29 quid, you may feel a little butt hurt as well. Essentially, your hard earned cashish is paying for a Blame Canada with a couple of cheese sticks thrown on top. But dear mother of melted mozzarella, were those nuggets worth their weight in liquid gold! Happily sell my firstborn for an endless supply of those marvellous morsels. No questions asked. Other than the slightly exhorbitant pricing, there's the weird clingy service where some muppet sits at the table and acts like your best mate. Thanks but no thanks chief, not here for your edgy theatre student vibes, just give me the burgs and walk away...

Trekked halfway across Surrey Hills for this burg, and wasn't disappointed! I mean, I went for the stock standard All Star, but couldn't find a fault with it. Special sauce seems to be the cats pyjamas at the moment, and this one was a pretty decent one at that. This, plus tasty shoestring fries for a Blue Swimmer, and you're laughing all the way to the bank! Do I lower myself and say more Bang Bang for your buck? Nah, it's too obvious...

It was time to jump back on the beefy burger bandwagon, and what better way is there than Burgerhead! Seen this cheesy champ all over the feed, so I had to give it a geez. Great Odin's ravens does it deliver the goods! The humble twistie is tantalisingly transformed in this burg guaranteed to send you into a full on cheese coma. The twistie mayo is a playful addition, and bacon jam is everything I never knew I needed in life. Of course, with this sort of crunch factor, it's going to be messy, but that just prolongs the enjoyment of eating it. Do yourself a favour and order it as a takeaway, head down to the river, and watch those fitness chumps sweat it out while you chomp into your next coronary. Worth it.

Today I took the plunge into the world of plant-based burgers. I don't know what it was- maybe the poisonous vitriol spewing from Pete Evans plastic face finally got the better of me. Perhaps it was the fact that the missus has been disgusted with the intensity in which I've been undertaking my recent burg-bender. Whatever it was, I found myself sampling the classic cheese at Soul Burger in Randwick with mixed emotions. I mean, I get it, sustainable living is a big deal, but does it have to come at the expense of good taste? As far as ingredients go, this one had all the hallmarks of a classic cheese, but nothing to take me on that glorious trip to flavour country. For 15 dollarydoos, she'll fill you up, but won't leave any lasting impressions. Perfect for easing you into those 'health-kick' resolutions next New Years without shocking the system into withdrawal. You won't kick the habit though, the call of the Burg is too strong...

There are three absolutes in this life: death, taxes, and the giddy feeling you get when you bite into a banger of a burg. The lads at Mickey Chews have definitely outdone themselves with this little number. I actually had the Chick-ille O'Neal, but the app hadn't updated from last week's speccy, which also looked not too shabby! Take nothing away from this gem though, I mean just look at that finger-lickin chicken! Crunch factor was off the Richter, but the meat was perfectly cooked, and dare I use this word: moist. Sriracha mayo is always held in high regard, and the cabbage and apple slaw added some hella good texture and taste. But seriously, just look at it. 10/10 for presentation, this is a seriously sexy looking meatwich. Such artistry deserves all the accolades, as well as all the roses on the Bachelor this week...